Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
