I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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