M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
