there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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