I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
