you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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