Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
