I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
