It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
