I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
