Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
