pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
