Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
