You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
