The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
