What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
