Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
