So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
