LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
