i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
