so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
