WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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