time to smoke my breakfast
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
