He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
