Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
