I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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