You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
