so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
