Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
