My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
