I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
