This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
