Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
