I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
