Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
