At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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