woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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