I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
