I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
