The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
