Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
