I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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