I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i came on her dog
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
