a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
