If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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