I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
