I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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