Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
