My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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