does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
