Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
